First blog post

As my  very first blog,I shall explain the pain I get to see in the society of now with my drugs beside me .. 

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Procrastination

Procrastination as my perfectionist

Hoping or wishing;

There is still time or

Maybe just next time

Become what I was living for

But it was too late

As I left my perception to’

It is a long-term future

Just as its short-term thinking

While the motion did not change

So I gave up on;

Self-rejection

Negative self-talk

Criticizing others

Pressurizing people

And the fear of failure while

Expecting perfection

Was the biggest lie

Living to be recreated in this world 🌏

Insensate

Blankness

Numbness

Nothing

This is home to my perception

With what have had to encounter alone

I wake up executed from everyone

Looking to be alone and deserted.

Weak as relicense to my DNA

Wanting no energy from the existence

Emotionally linked to;

Disappointments and pain

Trying to recollect myself to feel again

But every trial puts me through hell

Facing a world, I do not want to picture

It is like am alive but mentally dead

Am receding each day

Am falling into my past than the present

Today I feel;

Ugly

Hurt

Like I do not matter

Not worth of love

Unappreciated

Never mind I feel like this daily

It is like am fine when shuttered

Thanatophobia as my weakness

Trying to end the voices in my head

It sucks to be in my brain

Because of the voices volumes increases

Close to giving up…

The voices talk much than myself

Someday in life we encounter or experienced very intense lifestyle that most times. Create so much pain to our lives and the only certain mental picture is to end our existence. But remember you can control your thoughts and what you want to feel. Don’t let it define you but define your purpose to this life.

Would you

Would you rescue me Γ—3

When am lost

When am abandoned

When am abused

Through my creation

Just as your love rescued me

But lent me a different idea

A choice, chance and change

And propably a view in each expression

With a different verse

But the same ending

Challenged my mindset 🌬

But in love with the opportunites I created

They left me sheltered

Compared to the days I felt like an orphan

Or like trash

I looked for you

And you healed me

Answered me

And gave me another chance to life

Suicide was like meditation

Pills were like a meal

Pulling the trigger was an expression

It got so dark like a disease

But you recollected me from my pain

Gave me a home.

A foundation

A purpose

And a life to value

I was the silent listener to my life

Not interested in the gossip

But the inner voices that

Kept me going and balanced

Created ; Dopamine, oxycotin and serotonin

Fighting this life will never be easy

Finding a solution will be challenging

Finding a route too

But what’s your purpose in your existence

If it gets hard would you give up

What about when

The road redirects you

Just change the way

There is no map to success

Just

Desperate

Am jealous when you are not around

Deserted when I think of you

And lost when not close to me

The epochal of my day

Not only that

But the connection that we have submerged

To my perception has left

Wanting you in ways that loose me

In ways that destruct me

In ways that destroy me

And ways that mislead me

As we call it love

But infatuation was the right sentiment

That pulled me back

When I push forward

That pulled me back

When I tried to be myself

That left me experiencing

Unwanted destinations

Rather the demons you left possed to me

Which left me attuenuate

But I begun a new chapter

To connected the burnt candles

Sometimes we are captured with what’s not right for us. We end up being needy or desperate to someone who does acknowledge or value us. We push so much or fight when clearly we are in darkness. Do not let a man or a woman define you. Be responsible to your actions. Don’t let them push you out of your judgment. Love is not a crime but it needs a gentleman and a lady.

Happy birthday twin

Even if we both break down this day

Am effusive to the ones

Behind our creation

Dear Lord I present my piece ;

Brother rather twin

This occasion is always rare

This event is always stretchfull

But the reasons am experessing this words

Are to say happy birthday

Sometimes we are occasionally lost

Or not seeing eye to eye

But am responsible for you

And sometimes I dissapoint

Best friend, blood and twin

Was what you become in this past years

As I shared fake friends and their emotions

You neatly never left me unsheltered

Behind the scene you always brought me up

And I will never have the right words

To reach to you through this piece

But we have always connected to alot

Ambiguous perception

Similar thoughts

And a divided divine

Thank holding me this far

I will always try be there for you

Happy birthday twin

Your light

Just because am not perfect

Don’t judge me!!

Just because am not to your standards

Don’t push me!!

Just because am poor

Don’t harass me!!

Just because am open

Don’t take advantage of me!!

Just because am different

Don’t assume me!!

Shined my light out of me

Your words murdered me

Consumed and left me lonely

Trying to find my destination

The more I got up

The more impeled I was

I do love you

But the words you kept

Imprinting to my heart

Left me a prisoner to my life

And mislead my reality

Our generation is the kind that sometimes peoples words hurt and control us. But love yourselves to be responsible and comfortable. To finding your own destiny and not, through people words ending with rapturing our perception. Care less on what people think and care about what you want to do or achieve. Its a healthy lifestyle.!!

Not invariable

Patience is key in heart

But not to the beholder

Love is an art through mind to soul

And not hide and seek

Perfection is a deception

And not imperfection through flaws

Forgiveness is a desire

But only for the strong hearted

I question this life everyday

And the bitterness or sweetness it had

Was quite diverse maybe invalid

Through the attuenuate perception

That capture or harassed our lifestyles

Left us poor to navigate

Antithesis well described us

As we stayed devoted to the fantasies

That become the illusions

There before and after

It left many open doors

Kismet

Do I believe in fate!?

Yes No but he or she left

That left me fantasizing than having a reality

But left me questionable to my taste

I projected the movement

Saw your insecurities and flaws

But I was not close to match

Though your beauty or you being handsome

Overpowered and left me wanting you

For myself and what we had to share

Even if the first few months were the best

I was left with the journey ahead

That kept living me unsafe and uncomfortable

Did we rush!!

Was it it the perfect time!!

Was it our time!!

Was it infatuation!!

Was it lust as the list continued…

More options reckoned

Monotonous was like my sunshine 🌞

I kept looking for validation

But the period lost me in the journey

I started regretting

I started wishing to have

Never come to meet you

And so long of many things

And that’s how love lost me

For a minute I though everyone shud read this and share, my reasons are simple. Fate is not what we create but God does it. So we cannot simply meet someone and create that mental image in our perception this is fate. Because as it goes it south you may blame alot. Sometimes we want people who are not right for us but it’s not wrong the only difference is you shud wake up from that dream and start chasing your dreams. Be responsible and not living in I wish or regret. Live with your consequences. Every decision has its destination.

21 century

I feel like girls have always been Abit naive…you know how most girls like “bad boys” who are really just assholes who go fucking shit up and then the girl believes that she’ll “change him” and “hold him down” all that is bullshit and it never works.A person can’t just enter a relationship with some innocent girl and wait for her to change him,he has to realize that he loves her enough and should be willing to change himself for her and himself too.

Normallly at the end of such relationships,the guy hasn’t changed one bit but the worst part is he had fucked up this innocent girl.
Gone is the innocent girl and in comes in the bad bitch.Because of her unresolved feelings and broken heart,she is going to be heartless.Thats why girls be lying and manipulating and scheming in relationships.

Nothing is real anymore…everyone is so artificial,always playing with your mind and heart without knowing the repercussions.Why do you think girls work so hard to be “independent women”??? It’s very hard to find the guy who treats you like a Queen.You may call her your queen, princess , Angel but you treat her like you would treat trash;using her then attempting to dispose of her…

So by the time you find that guy that treats you how you deserve to be treated,you don’t know how to deal anymore,you don’t trust that he has the right motives because your point of view has changed thanks to being fucked over again and again.So yes karma is a bitch…guys have been screwing over girls for years without realizing that they were about to get a taste of their own medicine. But keep in mind to date a gentleman not man or boy.

So society is all messed up but it’s because of how guys no longer love their girls and girls no longer respect their guys.This has to change otherwise we will all become people who are dead inside and who are only interested in ourselves and

Temporary pleasure.Things need to be like in the older days an centuries not per how the 21 century is, So if you’re a boy out there lamenting over how the woman you loved did you wrong , I’m sorry but there are more to come .you’ll get your heart broken more times than you can ever be
loved .And if you’re a girl out there crying over a boy who you thought never loved you for you or understood you , I’m sorry but there are more to come your way and make you feel worse about yourself.

But to both young boys and girls, remember Rome wasn’t built in a day ,okay ? If love is what you’re looking for ,don’t stop looking ,fine it sucks to get your heart broken but still get the Fuck up continue looking for what you want ,don’t let anything or anyone bring you down ,don’t just sit and talk about how boys are dicks or girls are serpents remember nobody is the same, trust you’ll never be happy if you can’t forget the bad and move forward.

Be patient and you’ll get the one worth suffering for,you’ll get superman to save you from your sorrows ,you’ll get the person that makes you a better version of yourself..you’ll get love as long as you don’t give up , it’s up to you ,you’re the master of your own happiness… Respect the art love is not a game its an emotion to be expressed.